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Friday, January 14, 2011

Together We Are Perfect

Some of you like lil love stories and some of you don't, so if you don't, just skip this post because it's about how my husband and I met and fell in love in a very condensed story.
Most people know that I have been married once before. I got pregnant and we were friends so we thought we would try and make things work. Well, they didn't. and 2 years later, we got divorced.
Normally people would just be upset and embarrassed that the marriage happened which, to an extent I was, but more than anything, I am grateful it did happened. Sounds weird, right? Well,to explain my point, I know that if I hadn't have gotten married the first time, I would have never met the love of my life.
While I was married, and after Ava was born, we were struggling with money. Both my ex and I were working full time and it still wasn't enough. I had to find another job that I could do only on weekends and at night so, that my ex would be home with Ava. So, the nightclub life was calling. I took a job at a nightclub called Atchaflaya's as a cocktail waitress Friday and Saturday nights 9pm to 3am. I had to wear Chaps and booty shorts for my "uniform", it was a totally differnt atmosphere from the professional dental office that I was used to working in, and it was kinda scary/crazy for me at first. I was barely 21, had never been to a club and knew nothing about all the different drinks and alcohol. There were hundreds of them! All with weird names like "purple hooters", "Lemon Drops, "sex on the beach". I had no clue what anyone was talking about!
Cocktailing was like putting on 6 hour show. You smiled, you laughed and pretended you were having the time of your life working. You were everyone's best friend and had to put up with all the drunk guys that had no class and would hit on you all night. It was tiring and hard work. By the end of the night each shift, I had had it. My feet hurt, my arms hurt from carrying a tray full of drinks all night,I was all sticky from people spilling drinks on me, and I smelled like alcohol and cigarettes. It was not fun. It was not a free party for me and it drained every ounce of me.
At the end of the night, and after all the customers left, all the employees hung around and waited to get paid. This is when I was first approached by Joey. He was the DJ at the club and stayed up in his booth all night mixing so, I never would see him til the end of the night. He could tell that I was in a grouchy mood so he tried to make me laugh by saying "I see London I see France." (he was referring to my booty shorts). I was not amused. The last thing I needed was one more guy hitting on me. So I snapped back at him "You've seen them all night!" I didn't mean to be a brat but I didn't know this guy and I just wanted to get paid and go home. He just looked at me, turned around and went back up the stairs to the DJ booth and I heard him mumble "Well, she hates me."
Every weekend, even though I was not very nice, Joey would come say "Hi" to me or make a joke, even try to make small talk. I was still married and didn't want to flirt or anything but little by little I would at least start engaging in his small talk.
A few months had gone by and just everything felt out of control. Things were getting bad with my husband and my health. One morning, the whole left side of my body had gone numb. I was scared. I went to the Dr. and he poked my leg and arm with a toothpick. I could only feel the pressure of the toothpick not the sharpness. That's when the Dr. asked me about my life. What I did evryday. I told him I was a wife and a mother, and worked 2 jobs. I didn't want to go into details about my personal struggles that I was dealing with but I think he knew there was more than I was telling him. He told me that I needed to cut back somewhere in my life b/c I was running myself too thin and it was endagering my health.
When a medical Dr. tells you that you need to "cut back" on something, it makes you sit down and think what can I actually cut out of my life? I can't cut out being a mother. I can't cut back on working. And that's when it hit me. The thing that I could cut out and that caused me the most stress in my life was my marrige. I wasn't happy and it was only getting worse. There was nothing about my marrige that was fun, happy, or that made me want to stick around to try and salvage it. The damage had been done and I wanted to move on but didn't know how.
I went to work that night at the club feeling hopeless and not knowing exactly what to do. I didn't want to be divorced. It was embarrassing. All the people who would be saying "I told you so" just did not sound like something I wanted to deal with. I didn't want Ava to have to go between parents the rest of her life, and I didn't want all of the drama that comes with divorce. I was torn.
At the end of my shift, I was sitting with everyone waiting to get paid and Joey said something that made me laugh out loud. It honestly startled me when it happened. I hadn't had a real laugh in so long that it felt almost foreign but I felt happy for that moment and I needed happiness in my life again. At that moment I knew what needed to be done. A few days later I told my husband I wanted a divorce.
The next few weeks were a lot better. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and it felt good. I was actually looking forward to the weekends at work b/c I would see Joey. He was just my friend but he made me laugh and we got each other. He would even take me out on motorcycle rides after work was done and we would make Beto's and Del Taco runs for everyone at the club while they were waiting to get paid. That's how things stayed for awhile. Just as friends.
I was staying away from home a lot until the divorce was final and the ex moved out. So, one day I decided to go up to the Fashion Place mall that was 45 minutes away from where I was living. I had remembered that Joey lived somewhat close to that area, so, I called him and invited him to meet me there and he did! I had Ava with me and at the time she was only a 1 1/2. When Joey saw her, he was so sweet to with her. He just played with her and held her and I was kinda shocked. Usually guys aren't so willing to just take over with a kid.
After the mall we went to get a bite to eat. I had to use the restroom so Joey stayed at the table with Ava. When I got back, I was surprised to see them playing dolls together. He was even doing voices for all the different characters! I knew right then that he was a keeper and my "just friends" feelings for him had shifted.
The divorce was soon finalized and I didn't even date one other person. Joey and I had just hit it off so well. We lived together for a year. Then oJoey took me on a surprise trip to California. We got in our rental car and drove up the coast for a couple of hours. I had no clue where we were going. I looked out the window and saw a road sign that said "Madonna Road" and I said "Madonna Road? Like after the singer or what?" Then it hit me! We were going to the Madonna Inn!! If you've never heard of this place or seen it, get online and look it up! It is AMAZING! I first saw it on "The Girl's Next Door". They all stayed there and I made Joey promise me that he would take me there someday. Little did I know that he had already made the reservations to stay there!
We pulled up and it was beautiful! We got all checked into out room which was AMAZING! He made sure to get the room that Kendra Wilkinson stayed in from "The Girl's Next Door". We went to the bar that was there and I got a drink that I had seen the girls get on TV. It was all pink with whipped cream on top! Sooo good! Then we went to their winery and tried some different wines. We did a little shopping at some of the stores, and then we went to dinner. It was so romantic and I couldn't believe he had planned This dream vacation!
After dinner, we went for a walk. We wanted to see the pool. it was so pretty! There was a little walkway that went up to a gazibo so you could look out over the pool. We walked over there and looked out at the view. When I turned to leave so we could go get our swimming suits, I felt a nudge and next thing I knew, Joey was down on his knee asking me to marry him! Of course I said "YES!" and later that month, we went on a cruise with some family and friends and were married on beautiful Catalina Island. It was PERFECT! and everything else since then has been as close to perfect as it could get. I have never been happier.
So, going back to the beginning of this little love story where I said that I was "grateful that I had been previously married b/c I would have never met my husband." I was put into a situation during my first marraige that led me to have to take another job, and if it wasn't for that, who knows if I would have ever met the love of my life. So, yes, going through a divorce sucks. And no, I would not recommend it but it happens. I have just been able to look through the bad and realize all the good that has come out of it.I have my prince charming and together we are perfect :)

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cass!
HEY-- mom here! This i8s so fun and amazing to read and see the pictures! Really a great record of your life and I have read every word of your blogs! Makes me glad you were able to do this and I hope to get more with the computer age!
Your doing really well with your fi8rst go o9f blogging!
I will check every few days and hope I can keep up with you a little!
i LOVE you ALL! You take care--
mom from Provo